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Trouser Chat
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 Editor's note: I'm still in the process of transcribing everything, so please enjoy what's here and please bear with me. Scott: *putting on an apron* I never wear these things. Jake: Yeah, the bluish/red one might be a little bit bigger. Probably not gonna be able to... The reason why this red one is so disgusting... The reason why I always wear it... The cord is long enough to go around. Scott: ha ha, it is pretty gnarly. Jake: Yeah. Well, I don't wash it very often, either. Scott: So, uh, we should warn people if there's newsprint on your slice of turkey.... Jake: Hannah: So speaking of people. Has anyone of us invited people yet? Jake: I told my brother. I called Phil and Jessie's house and left a message there. Jessie's working up at The People's Pub tonight, so I wouldn't be surprised if we see both of them later tonight on Ballard, Dirty Blvd. Hannah: Yeah. ha ha. Scott: I told Stacey, but I have a feeling this won't be cooked in time. Jake: Right. Hannah: What are we looking at as an ETA? Jake: I'm hoping for 8. Scott: If we can hit 8, I think we'll be doing alright. Jake: I can get it in at 6 am, then I'm hoping it can come out at 6 or 6:30 and it's gotta sit for about an hour. Hannah: Right. Scott: So what's the plan? You just, uh, you lay the turkey down. You slap one of the stuffings down on top of it. Hannah: Next bird. Next stuffing. The stuffings corelate with a specific bird, do they not? Jake: Yeah. I think the Andouille goes down first, and then the duck goes down, and the cornbread goes down, and then the mushroom goes down. Scott: Did you make the other stuffing? Jake: Yeah. Cause this is the andouille. That's the cornbread, and that's the mushroom. Hannah: That did make less than the cornbread? Jake: What, the andouille? Hannah: Yeah Jake: There's two of them. Hannah: Oh! Jake: And then you're supposed to put Prudhomme Meat Magic™ on each bird, but I thought we would use my dry rub. Hannah: You supposed to use special Prudhomme Drop Sheets™. ha ha ha Scott: *laughing* Jake: The more I'm reading the recipe, I'm just like, "Jesus. You thought this up so that people would have to use as many of your products as possible. Because, there's like a seafood dressing and meat dressing and a poultry dressing. Scott: And Prudhomme Water™ to rinse your utensils with. Hannah: So, I'm sure your brain has already thought ahead to this part. So if this is our work surface, once we're complete, will we need any lifting assistance or are we just gonna... Jake: We may, I mean, they talked about getting some duct tape and kind of wrapping it over on itself and putting it underneath, kind of as a, you know like a little cinch. You know you've got a couple of things underneath there to take the pressure off it. Scott: For lifting it in to the pan? Hannah: We need to lay that down now, then, don't we? Jake: Um, either that or we can slide it under, before we Scott: Should we really use duct tape?! Do you put it under here? Jake: No. Either you put some duct tape on some paper, or just take a piece of duct tape and wrap it over on itself, so it's not sticky. Scott: It still kind of stinks. Jake: Yeah, but you're not gonna put it in. Hannah: You're just using it as a lift. But Jake, if we're gonna do that, I think we should lay it down ahead of time, because by the time we get done with this, we'll probably be so protective of it. The idea of lifting it up and trying to put something underneath and then lifting it again. You know what I mean? Jake: Yeah. Scott: The duct tape... Jake: *pulling strips of duct tape* If we can get through this part... The rest is gravy. Hannah: ha ha ha Scott: *laughing* It's gonna take us hours just to get this duct tape together! Jake: Is that enough duct tape? Hannah: That's so not big enough. Scott: It was a good try, though. Jake: We can add some more. Hannah: Yes, you can augment.
Hannah: The uses for duct tape never end. It's a homemade gurney for a fowl orgy. Jake: Here, take that loop part there and just hold on to it. Hannah: Oh! And then line it up... Gotcha. Jake: See, this is where all the teamwork finally comes together. Hannah: Yup. Hannah: Aren't you glad I insisted on doing this part?! Jake: yeah. I mean, I think I'm down with the idea of thinking about what you're doing before you do it. This is some vintage Alcohol Funnycar duct tape. Hannah: Really?! How are you aware of this? Jake: Because it says AFC on the inside. Hannah: Ohh... Scott: So nobody steals your duct tape. Jake: Right. Hannah: See, These are good details. See, this is the sort of shit that I'm - Scott: You gotta save that for the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame!! *couple minutes later* Hannah: Wow! The Beast! That looks real good. Scott: Wow, that looks great. Jake: Can you....uh... get that under the cutting board... Scott: I needs to be upside-down, right? Jake: No, not yet. Scott: Oh, oh, oh. It unfolds. Now this is a turkey and a half. Scott: This should be a pretty quick process. Jake: yeah. Scott: Now, don't eat this duct tape, cause it's got raw poultry on it. Jake: Alright. So then, somebody... We've got to try to put some stuffing down here too, in these cavities. (the leg's which were partially deboned) This where we need the... Hannah: The recipe's on top of the books. Jake: I know, I just have chicken..er..poultry juice all over... Hannah: Alright, give me one second here. I'm one of those loyal to the clean as you go... Jake: We're supposed to lay some Meat Magic down on the turkey first before we lay the dressing down. Hannah: It does say that. I'd be fine with salt and pepper myself. Scott: Is that your rub? Jake: I don't know if I'll have enough to do it for every bird. Scott: Should we put mustard down first? Jake: *laughing* Yeah... That's a whole nother... Hannah: Scott: Next year, we'll BBQ the turduchen. Jake: That's what Rosanne, my sister-in-law, was saying. "It's supposed to be a rainy day tomorrow, Jake. Does your stove have electric ignition?" I was thinking, I dunno, it's not supposed to be a thunderstorm, is it? She said, "What would you do?" and I said "Well, we might just have to break the barbeque out. We've done it before." Hannah: Alright, Andouille in the leg, thigh and wing cavities until full, but not tightly packed. |
